Saturday, September 6, 2014

Go, Crackers!

Go, Crackers!

We're Number One! We're Number One...


After all the recent hype about how noble and regal Florida Crackers are, I propose a name change for the University of Florida mascot. Let's face it, "Gator" just doesn't cut it in today's market. Gators are protected by law and somehow it doesn't seem fair in the area of  "knock 'em silly" football to be viewed as the sissies of the Southeast Conference by hiding behind legal shields. Besides, sometime, somewhere, someone is sure to file a lawsuit because they believe the name "Gator" defames alligators. Something needs to be done to bolster the UF football program in the post-Tim Tebow football era at University of Florida, and I believe a name change just may do the trick. National greatness may once again lie ahead if they just change the name. Crackers!  Go, Crackers! 

Florida State University on the other hand was smarter than the average bear – and way ahead of the curve - by asking the Seminole Tribe of Florida to endorse their Seminole mascot and his pre-game spear tossing. [ I'd like to see the bennies involved in that kind of support; I bet it has more to it than a really neat horse.] They have the "Tomahawk Chop," while murderous in its symbolic form, has come to synchronize not only a stadium full of fans who will buy anything painted garnet and gold, but actually incite normally sedate adults into babbling idiots, especially ESPN commentators, Ever hear of garnet before? See what I mean? FSU can sell anything painted that color as fast as it comes off the boat.  

The name University of Florida Crackers has a distinctive connotation to it, carefully developed and nurtured by a movement to elevate Florida's distinctive group of settlers who didn't have a pot to pee in to a level normally reserved for "Daughters of the Mayflower." Real Florida Crackers couldn't afford bullwhips, much less use one. But, hey, to the victor go the spoils. The winners get to rewrite history and Erskine Caldwell book sales fall away as Tobacco Road gets paved over with modern history's rewrites. It's exactly what UF football needs...

 Go Crackers! We're Number One, We're Number One...