Saturday, September 6, 2014

Go, Crackers!

Go, Crackers!

We're Number One! We're Number One...


After all the recent hype about how noble and regal Florida Crackers are, I propose a name change for the University of Florida mascot. Let's face it, "Gator" just doesn't cut it in today's market. Alligators are protected by law and somehow it doesn't seem fair in the area of "knock 'em silly" football to be viewed as the sissies of the Southeast Conference by hiding behind legal shields. Besides, sometime, somewhere, someone is sure to file a lawsuit because they believe the name "Gator" defames alligators, and after watching several recent football games, they may be have a point. Something needs to be done to bolster the UF football program in the post-Tim Tebow football era at University of Florida. I believe a name change just may do the trick. National greatness may once again lie ahead if they just drop the name "gator". What could possibly be more appropriate than Crackers!  Go, Crackers! Wow! I'm already excited!

Florida State University was way ahead of the politically astute curve by asking the Seminole Tribe of Florida to endorse their Seminole mascot and his pre-game spear tossing. [ I'd like to see the bennies involved in that kind of support; I bet it has more to it than a really neat horse.]  

Florida State has manipulated the "Tomahawk Chop," while murderous in its symbolic form, into an addictive power to synchronize not only a stadium full of 90,000 fans who will buy anything painted garnet and gold, but actually induce normally sedate adults sitting thousands of miles away into babbling idiots through the medium of television. Even certain ESPN commentators televising the game fall victim to its hypnotic power. Ever hear of garnet before? FSU can sell anything painted that color as fast as it comes off the boat.  

While seductive as the native American theme might be, the fact is they lost. The newcomers won. The Seminoles, and the Calusas and Miccosukees all lost. Well, technically the Seminoles didn't lose the war as they never signed any formal cessation of war treaty. but, one the other hand, who owns Miami Beach? Until the casinos came in, at least, but, like it or not, the crackers won. 

The nickname University of Florida Crackers has a distinctive, erudite, superior connotation to it. Seriously and carefully developed and nurtured by a movement to elevate Florida's distinctive group of settlers who didn't have a pot to pee in to a revered level normally reserved for "Daughters of the Mayflower." Real Florida Crackers couldn't afford bullwhips, much less use one. But, hey, to the victor go the spoils. The winners get to rewrite history and Erskine Caldwell book sales fall away as Tobacco Road gets paved over with modern history's rewrites. It's exactly what UF football needs...

 Go Crackers! We're Number One, We're Number One...